Today is the big day. Eye tune-up day. The first of two eyes. Although I tell myself it is less than nothing in the scheme of things, I'm like a cat on a hot tin roof. Did you know that the earliest references to cataract surgery are found in Sanskrit manuscripts dating from the 5th century BC?
All my friends who have had it done say, don't worry, it's nothing. All my friends who have not say, I would be worried too if I were you. Did you know that Jacques Daviel was the first European physician to successfully extract cataracts from the eye in 1748?
How long before I can read? Drive? Go to the gym? Well I have charged up my iPod, I've got some books on tape. I know, I know. It will be fine. The colours will be amazing so I'm told. I'll let you know. Did you know cataract surgery is the most commonly performed surgery in North America? Say after me: It will be fine, it will be fine, it will be fine.
However to cheer us all up (What am I saying? This should make you very depressed, it does me.) I give you this selection from Dumbest Celebrity Quotes, featured in the Vancouver Sun newspaper this past weekend.
George W Bush: I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.
Sigh. The most powerful man in the Western world for the past eight years? No wonder he has wrought such havoc upon it. (Don't you love that photo? It would have been left on the cutting room floor if I had been in charge.)
Brooke Shields: Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Well she is beautiful and not even blonde. (Apologies to blondes, I know there is no truth to this cliché.)
Ted Turner: If I sold all my liabilities, I wouldn't own anything. My wife's a liability, my kids are liabilities and I haven't sold them.
How did you get to be such a wealthy media mogul Ted? Smart advisers I guess.
Sadly I know there have been many occasions when someone has shaken his or her head at some of the inane utterances which have issued from JMB's mouth, so who am I to criticize? At least they did not make the front page of some newspaper. Just here on this blog or on someone else's, in the comment section.
Finally this video really does cheer me up and it shows some of the reasons why I don't miss certain aspects of Australia. Thanks to Colin Campbell, who has to watch out for these lurking dangers.
Back soon. Better than ever. It will be fine.